Nerves: will they or won’t they, get the best of me?

It’s time to face the facts – in just two short (really short) days I’ll be jumping in the Chrysler 300 and heading East with Dad and Dog in tow. That’s SO exciting!

But it’s also really scary and anxiety ridden too. Just a small sample of the laundry list called ‘worry’ in my mind includes:

• Leaving Cisco for two months – It’s upsetting and I’ll miss him. He’s my best bud and I’m all about having him around. I’ll say no more because I’m going to start practicing the art of staying positive.
• Saying goodbye to my friends in Cali – It’s getting real, it’s getting real sad. I would say it hit home on Saturday night at Red Rock for my going away party. Great turn out, even better people.
• The drive – Who will freak out first, dad or Meatball? Or as the underdog, will I come from behind and blow them both out of the water?
• Speaking of the dog – He’s depressed. That’s right, the little/big guy is filled with anxiety too. (I think he’s catching it from his mom and dad). All the furniture is gone, he can’t sleep on the couch or even stand on something to look out the window. It looks like we’re running a torture mill in here.
• The move and the money – Not surprisingly, they seem to go hand in hand and needless to say I’m not exactly where I’d like to be.
• Work – Have I mentioned it’s been nonstop? No move across the country is slowing me down! And who can complain about being busy in this economy? Certainly not me.
• Finding a new place to call home – I am tasked with finding the perfect apartment. It is my mission and I do chose to accept it, but I need to know where to start.
• The swine flu – I’m just kidding, it’s actually the least of my concerns right now.

I’ve been through six apartments in four cities in five years in California. From Huntington Beach to Studio City and North Hollywood, it’s been a blast. I’ve had four jobs and two cars, one love and countless good friends during the time I’ve been here. The point is, coming to LA was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made – for a lot of reasons. First because of the experiences it has afforded me – and I don’t mean simply riding the Eliptical next to Justin Timberlake at the gym. But because of the personal and professional ways I have been able to grow up.

And second, because without coming out West, I don’t think I would have realized how important it is to be around - and be there for – lifelong family and friends. I wouldn’t have appreciated the seasons or the holidays or the birthdays as much either. In fact, before I moved to California, I stopped getting excited when it snowed or even rained and I took advantage of just how much personality New York , Philly and yes, even Jersey has. It really does.

So with all the stresses and uncertainties coming up and going on now, what I want to do this instant is let go and enjoy the ride. Can someone tell me how to do that? Because I’m ready.

Baby B Makes His Debut! (... and lives are changed forever!)

On Tuesday, April 14 at 12:01 am, my good friend Stacy had a beautiful baby boy. Marco Barilotti was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces and 19 and a half inches.

I feel such happiness for Stacy and Artie and yet so removed from their lives right now at over 3000 miles away. But this is a nice example of why I'm moving home - this stuff matters to me. It really does. And in exchange for missing Stacy's pregnancy announcement, her baby shower and the actual birth of Marco, I'm going to get to know him for the rest of his life.

However, there's another side of this story, and it's quite sobering - my friends are having babies and that must mean it's time to grow-up. It's official, right? We can't be the same care-free, fun and wild girls we once were with babies in tow, can we?

Like Jerry McGuire said, it's all part of the 'things we think and do not say.' When Stacy announced she was pregnant, we were all overcome with joy. It was truly amazing to realize that our girl was having a little one of her own. But at the same time, the inevitable 'other' thoughts came rushing through our heads ... Will we still get to see her as much as we used to? Can we meet for drinks on a whim? How will this affect girls nights and/or weekends away?

Selfish, I know. But really just selfish because we love our friendship so much, and the way we've been together for years on end. In fact, whether she admitted it or not (and sometimes she did), I know she felt the same way. After all, the way she told us she was prego was, 'I'm pregnant! But I'm going to be COMPLETELY fine for Cindy's bachelorette party and wedding, and you bitches better not stop calling me!'

Over the weeks and months Marco grew in her belly, we never did lose touch and we talked about everything - baby and beyond. It was nice.

But the week before she gave birth, she made a crucial mistake. She watched an episode of Oprah that talked about the secret society of motherhood and once again those dreaded 'things we think and do not say - mommy version.'

The cast of 'In the Motherhood' was featured and they discussed how you may be ready for a baby, but you may not be ready for how your life takes a back seat and your baby's is up front and center. Yes, you know that's what's going to happen and you completely agree, it should! But it's the little things that may catch you off-guard.

The specific example Cheryl Heines used on the show was when her best girlfriend went through a very difficult divorce, and she couldn't be there. After all, she had the baby and it wasn't fair to be 'half there' emotionally or pretend to be there, when she really wasn't. Her child had her full attention now. Had she been single or without responsibility, she would have rushed over to sit with her girlfriend every minute of the day, and now she just couldn't ... and it bothered her. It bothered her a lot.

Stacy got upset about that episode and truth be told, it probably wasn't the best choice of shows 7 days before she delivered. But still, it made us think, and talk, and think some more. Does it really have to be that way?

After much thought, and consult with girlfriends from Cali to Jersey, I think the answer is, WHO KNOWS? We're all new at this! And we don't really know what the future has in store for us or our friendships.

But what we do know is that in life, we have been loyal and dedicated to each other so far. We're excited for each other's successes and we're sorry for each other's sadness. And though we may grow up, get married and start families, it's important to keep a part of ourselves focused on who we are an why we became friends in the first place. And that's because, generally, we're all awesome women.

Yes, we'll have play dates and story time (and we'll love every minute of it), but we'll still need a Sex and the City night once in a while and a cocktail after a long day. And now, we'll SHARE some of our girls nights. Not with everyone, all the time ... but let's face it, Marco's cool. ;)

I'm a Blushing and Blogging Bride!

Yesterday was six months until I get married and wow, I feel like the creation of this blog is long overdue! As crazy as it sounds, this is my first foray into the blogging world and although as a PR professional, I pitch blogs every day and as a gossip obsessed girl, I read them every minute, I've never had one of my very own.

But 2009 is a very special year, and there are far too many things going on (hello wedding!) to not have an outlet in which to share them. In addition to the any number of things I could chose to write about as Cisco and I gear up to move back East and tie the knot, there has been another running list of random happenings and off the wall occurrences that are going down at the same time. You know what they say, when it rains it pours - and for better or worse, it is raining cats and dogs right now!

Don't get me wrong, this is one of the most joyous and exciting times in my life! I am lucky enough to be marrying my best friend and partner in crime, and though we have many different life changes ahead of us in the coming months (moving, find a place to live, prepping for the big day and adjusting to life back in Jersey), we are doing it together - and nothing is cooler than that.

But true to form, I have chosen to do jam everything I could possible jam into one year - something that Cisco and I decided together, but something that we didn't realize the craziness of until we're right in the middle of it. Which is where we are today - right in the middle of it.

Yes, the dresses and tuxes are being ordered, cakes are being chosen and save the dates are out - but it's the unexpected things that really throw you for a loop during the whole planning process, and generally makes even the most precise coordinator forced to throw up her hands and accept that there will be a fair amount of 'going with the flow' happening as well.

In the last 60 days, emotions have been running high as we are spending our final days in California trying to appreciate what is left of it, while looking forward to the future. It's been been a great run and we've made friends that equate to family and relationships that will no doubt last a lifetime. And we'll miss them. On the other hand, we're anxiously awaiting being around moms, dads, grandpops and grandmoms again, while reconnecting with the countless number of friends who have been there for the last half of decade, filled with unconditional love, no matter how many miles apart we are.

It's a weird feeling - I recently said to my friend Stacy (who is about 8 and a half months pregnant right now and therefore, always honest!) 'this is hard, I'm going to miss everyone that I've become so attached to out here and I think they'll miss me too' and her very quick, Jersey Girl response was, 'Yeah, but not as much as we've missed you for the past five years.' I had to laugh - what do you say to that? She meant it with no offense and yet, meant it 100%. You don't find people in life as special as her every day, and the same goes for each and every person I'm truly close to.

And yet still, as if all of these 'emotions' and 'feelings' aren't enough, we're also going through a recession. The economy sucks more now than ever before, and inevitably our plans have been affected by it. We thank our lucky stars that we're not one if the millions who are out of a job or without a home, but we are seeing the realness of all of this and those around us are too.

Couple money troubles with freak acts of nature and it's pretty darn overwhelming. In just two months, our car has been broken into, my back has gone out, Cisco has gotten shingles (I know what you're thinking, who gets shingles?!), we've discovered that Meatball can't fly on a plane because he has 'breathing issues' and therefore will be roadtripping it with me and my dad across the country and we've witnessed a shooting just outside of our window - and we live in a nice area. As I said to Cisco the other day - post-shooting - I think the gods are trying to tell us to GET OUTTTTT....

And while those things are just a sampling of what life has been like lately, I still look around and feel grateful that we have each other. And happy that I'm sitting in the sunshine with Meatball right now, having completed what I believe to be my best baked macaroni and cheese yet and prepping to go our last Easter Feaster in California.

Should I be more 'prepared' to move? Or packed and ready to go? Should I already be mentally able to say goodbye? I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm all set to enjoy mimosas and a midday meal with those who I've come to know and love so well.

Everything else is for another day.