Shout Out to the Out of Towners

We are well aware that it is a big undertaking for anyone from out of town, let alone out of state to come to this wedding – but out of the country? Well that’s a big deal. (So thank you, Swedish buddy, for making this extra special journey back to the U.S. to see us on our big day.)

For all the people who could not make it, we totally understand. But for those that are taking time out of their work, life and every day schedule to travel to the greater Philadelphia region just for lil ol us, we appreciate you! It’s not effortless to make these plans or to find the money to fund them, and we couldn’t love you more for it.

We feel lucky – even blessed - to have a network of friends across the nation and internationally. And we feel most fortunate that they are willing to put their lives on hold for the weekend, to see us begin our new life together.
Thank you friends. It wouldn’t be the same without you!

Seating Charts Bring Out the Best in Everyone.

Can you sense my sarcasm? This weekend, my family and I did the seating chart for the wedding. We toiled through four hours of excruciating pain (while Cisco had a nice boys weekend with Eddie – thank you fellas) and finally came up with the perfect road map of reception bliss.

Then on Sunday, we went to see Dee our Lucien’s Manor event flow mastermind and she let us know that we had put the wrong number of people at each table and would need to rearrange the whole thing. Ouch.

So, we went back to the drawing board and this time, the task was filled with a little bit more tension and somewhat of a “why are you moving my guests?” attitude from all involved. (You know who you are.)

Isn’t it funny how where people sit at a wedding and who they sit with carries so much weight? And the person who invited them is left feeling defensive and protective over their positioning in the room?

In the end, we powered through the drama and have created a BIGGER, BADDER and more fun floor plan than ever before! In fact, I’m quite confident that these very crucial placements will be responsible for the most glorious of friendships and bonds that extend beyond time. And if they’re not, well then our guests can just get up after dinner and move about the cabin. No biggie.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

I was commuting into the city today when a beautiful young woman from Kenya sat down next to me. You should know that I am the kind of person who likes to mind my own business on the train. I’m sure it’s nice to strike up conversations and make new friends, but that pleasure is not for me on a typical weekday morning. However this morning, the girl who sat next to me wanted to talk. And talk she did.

She struck up a conversation about whatever. Nothing important really, until she looked down at my ring and said, “Are you married?” (Now she had my attention!)
I said with excitement, “No, I’m not married. But I will be in 17 days!”

Well, that’s all she needed - For the next 20 minutes, this woman who I have never met before in my life went on and on and on about how much marriage sucks.

“Marriage is different than dating,” she said. “There is no way out. Even if you want to leave, you can’t. You have to do everything your husband tells you to do even if you don’t want to. Make dinner, fold laundry, clean the house, work and take care of the kids when you have ‘em. And the romance is gone. When you have a relationship before a wedding, you will be courted – not during marriage. In marriage you have nothing romantic happen to you. And if you get mad at him? Or the two of you get into an argument? There’s no escape. You can’t leave or walk away – not even for a second - he’s always there. And so are you. If you do take a moment to yourself, during that time of anger, even just to breathe, that’s when he’ll start cheating on you!”

Now, as a woman of the 21st century – and someone who is SUPER pumped to walk down the aisle, I resent that.

I resent that she doesn’t know me and would take the liberty to unload on me like that.

I resent the fact that she thinks my relationship is just like hers and all marriages are alike.

I resent that she’s talking about Cisco like that and yet not talking about him at all.

I resent that she didn’t consider the positivity and optimism that a bride-to-be feels going into her wedding day, and yet the stress and nerves that no doubt come along with it.

I take issue with the fact that she didn’t back the hell off!

I learned that this woman was 28 – one year older than me – and has been married for four years. I didn’t even want to know her name, let alone her philosophy on marriage and why hers was so obviously miserable.

Suddenly I found myself defending Cisco and myself. “Um, I’m pretty sure that I could leave the room or the house whenever I wanted to during an argument or a very happy day for that matter. We’ll always come back to each other, and to walk away does not give the license to cheat. Certainly we are allowed to be mad at times without throwing in the towel and losing all respect for each other. Also, we are an equal partnership. Neither one of us HAS to do anything we don’t want to do. The reason we’re entering into this union is because we complement each other. We’re good for each other. We do have lasting romance and we make each other better people.”

I don’t know why I fed into her, or why I felt the need to even respond. But I was angry. And protective. Because she didn’t even know us. And damn it, I’m looking forward to marrying him! Who is she?

So I asked her, “Do you have any positive things to say about marriage? In fact, name one good thing that’s happened to you since you’ve been married!’

She couldn’t.

And then I realized, who cares what she thinks? I am not her and she is not me.

Opinion or fact, right or wrong, it’s just plain rude to throw your own baggage on someone else. Whether it’s politics, family values, religion or thoughts on life and love, my mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Especially about marriage to a woman who is getting married in 17 freakin’ days! Damn it.



(*** And to change the mood, here's a pretty picture taken by my photographer, Jason Messer, in the church we're getting married in just about two weeks from now.)

No Concept of Time

Talking to my good friends in California has been different. Good, but different. After all, we are no longer on the same time zone! And that is not as basic as it sounds.

As I hung up the phone with Sarah tonight, I just about wished her sweet dreams before I realized that it's 6:45 pm over here and getting darker by the second - yet it's only 3:45 pm over there and she was just about to head out to do laundry. I think this is partly a result of me feeling tired all the time and ready to fall asleep at the drop of a dime, combined with the fact that I have no concept of Eastern Standard Time versus Pacific Standard Time - something I always swore I would be keenly aware of. After getting one too many calls at 7 am from my beloved friends in Jersey, I knew I'd always know better. And now I don't. For shame!

So Sarah, Judi, Maytal, Brittany and all my other West Coast girls, in seven to eight hours when you settle down for the night and wind down before bed, feel free to call me at 2:00 am to say goodnight! :)

Bad Blogger, Bad Dreams

I’m a bad blogger. The worst, actually. I haven’t written in so long and that’s solely because I don’t seem to have the time or patience to sit down and post something. And I don’t know why I feel the need to write some big story when a blog is simply a train of thought. An observation. A matter of fact. None of those things need to be drawn out!

So from here until my wedding day (27 days to be exact), I am making a commitment to blog on a consistent basis – even if I end up with three unrelated sentences slapped up on the computer screen. Because there’s a LOT on my mind at the moment and I used to find this therapeutic. It just might be exactly what I need right now.

Let me start this entry by filling in the blanks: In the months that have gone by, Cisco has moved home and we have gotten ourselves an AWESOME apartment that we are happy as clams in, I have gone away for my very fabulous bachelorette party (thank you ladies!), work is still rockin and rollin, money’s still tight and I am starting to FEEL the stress of all of that’s happening around me.

This time is filled with the most heightened sense of excitement we’ve ever had in our lives, but now we’re getting down to the wire and quite honestly, things that I did not think would worry me are bothering the shit out of me.

Seriously, you would not believe the stuff I’m worried about. The normal but tedious things? Hotel reservations, flights from Cali, hair trials, RSVP cards, rain or shine forecasts, groomsman tuxedo fittings (please go get them if you haven’t!), final payments, head counts, the way my dress fits and seating assignments to name a few.

But the things that snuck up on me – the things that I didn’t think a girl like me would even think of – oh, they’re even better! I actually had a dream that a good number of people forgot to show up on the day of the wedding. Yep, like RSVP’d yes, filed the invitation away and forgot to come! I’m also concerned about the smoothness, or lack smoothness, of my up-do, Deacon Joe’s vow-style and the drug wars in Mexico.

When it comes down to it, I am well aware that the heart of the matter is that Cisco and I are getting married and committing ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. And that’s the beautiful thing. That’s the one that can’t get messed up if it rains, or if something doesn’t fit right. It’s something that will still happen if one of our guests reserves their hotel room too late to get the group rate or someone else doesn’t bring a guest who said they were going to (or the other way around).

However, in the craziness that is life lately, it sometimes becomes necessary to slow down and think of that beauty at the core of it all – and it’s hard. But I have to do it. Because it’s the only thing that settles my nerves and the only thing that levels me out. And if all else fails, and Cisco and I just can’t calm each other down, we’ll do the thing that hasn’t failed us yet: Play a little game called “What are you going to drink on the honeymoon?” … that ALWAYS works.