Bad Blogger, Bad Dreams

I’m a bad blogger. The worst, actually. I haven’t written in so long and that’s solely because I don’t seem to have the time or patience to sit down and post something. And I don’t know why I feel the need to write some big story when a blog is simply a train of thought. An observation. A matter of fact. None of those things need to be drawn out!

So from here until my wedding day (27 days to be exact), I am making a commitment to blog on a consistent basis – even if I end up with three unrelated sentences slapped up on the computer screen. Because there’s a LOT on my mind at the moment and I used to find this therapeutic. It just might be exactly what I need right now.

Let me start this entry by filling in the blanks: In the months that have gone by, Cisco has moved home and we have gotten ourselves an AWESOME apartment that we are happy as clams in, I have gone away for my very fabulous bachelorette party (thank you ladies!), work is still rockin and rollin, money’s still tight and I am starting to FEEL the stress of all of that’s happening around me.

This time is filled with the most heightened sense of excitement we’ve ever had in our lives, but now we’re getting down to the wire and quite honestly, things that I did not think would worry me are bothering the shit out of me.

Seriously, you would not believe the stuff I’m worried about. The normal but tedious things? Hotel reservations, flights from Cali, hair trials, RSVP cards, rain or shine forecasts, groomsman tuxedo fittings (please go get them if you haven’t!), final payments, head counts, the way my dress fits and seating assignments to name a few.

But the things that snuck up on me – the things that I didn’t think a girl like me would even think of – oh, they’re even better! I actually had a dream that a good number of people forgot to show up on the day of the wedding. Yep, like RSVP’d yes, filed the invitation away and forgot to come! I’m also concerned about the smoothness, or lack smoothness, of my up-do, Deacon Joe’s vow-style and the drug wars in Mexico.

When it comes down to it, I am well aware that the heart of the matter is that Cisco and I are getting married and committing ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. And that’s the beautiful thing. That’s the one that can’t get messed up if it rains, or if something doesn’t fit right. It’s something that will still happen if one of our guests reserves their hotel room too late to get the group rate or someone else doesn’t bring a guest who said they were going to (or the other way around).

However, in the craziness that is life lately, it sometimes becomes necessary to slow down and think of that beauty at the core of it all – and it’s hard. But I have to do it. Because it’s the only thing that settles my nerves and the only thing that levels me out. And if all else fails, and Cisco and I just can’t calm each other down, we’ll do the thing that hasn’t failed us yet: Play a little game called “What are you going to drink on the honeymoon?” … that ALWAYS works.