Shout Out to the Out of Towners

We are well aware that it is a big undertaking for anyone from out of town, let alone out of state to come to this wedding – but out of the country? Well that’s a big deal. (So thank you, Swedish buddy, for making this extra special journey back to the U.S. to see us on our big day.)

For all the people who could not make it, we totally understand. But for those that are taking time out of their work, life and every day schedule to travel to the greater Philadelphia region just for lil ol us, we appreciate you! It’s not effortless to make these plans or to find the money to fund them, and we couldn’t love you more for it.

We feel lucky – even blessed - to have a network of friends across the nation and internationally. And we feel most fortunate that they are willing to put their lives on hold for the weekend, to see us begin our new life together.
Thank you friends. It wouldn’t be the same without you!

Seating Charts Bring Out the Best in Everyone.

Can you sense my sarcasm? This weekend, my family and I did the seating chart for the wedding. We toiled through four hours of excruciating pain (while Cisco had a nice boys weekend with Eddie – thank you fellas) and finally came up with the perfect road map of reception bliss.

Then on Sunday, we went to see Dee our Lucien’s Manor event flow mastermind and she let us know that we had put the wrong number of people at each table and would need to rearrange the whole thing. Ouch.

So, we went back to the drawing board and this time, the task was filled with a little bit more tension and somewhat of a “why are you moving my guests?” attitude from all involved. (You know who you are.)

Isn’t it funny how where people sit at a wedding and who they sit with carries so much weight? And the person who invited them is left feeling defensive and protective over their positioning in the room?

In the end, we powered through the drama and have created a BIGGER, BADDER and more fun floor plan than ever before! In fact, I’m quite confident that these very crucial placements will be responsible for the most glorious of friendships and bonds that extend beyond time. And if they’re not, well then our guests can just get up after dinner and move about the cabin. No biggie.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

I was commuting into the city today when a beautiful young woman from Kenya sat down next to me. You should know that I am the kind of person who likes to mind my own business on the train. I’m sure it’s nice to strike up conversations and make new friends, but that pleasure is not for me on a typical weekday morning. However this morning, the girl who sat next to me wanted to talk. And talk she did.

She struck up a conversation about whatever. Nothing important really, until she looked down at my ring and said, “Are you married?” (Now she had my attention!)
I said with excitement, “No, I’m not married. But I will be in 17 days!”

Well, that’s all she needed - For the next 20 minutes, this woman who I have never met before in my life went on and on and on about how much marriage sucks.

“Marriage is different than dating,” she said. “There is no way out. Even if you want to leave, you can’t. You have to do everything your husband tells you to do even if you don’t want to. Make dinner, fold laundry, clean the house, work and take care of the kids when you have ‘em. And the romance is gone. When you have a relationship before a wedding, you will be courted – not during marriage. In marriage you have nothing romantic happen to you. And if you get mad at him? Or the two of you get into an argument? There’s no escape. You can’t leave or walk away – not even for a second - he’s always there. And so are you. If you do take a moment to yourself, during that time of anger, even just to breathe, that’s when he’ll start cheating on you!”

Now, as a woman of the 21st century – and someone who is SUPER pumped to walk down the aisle, I resent that.

I resent that she doesn’t know me and would take the liberty to unload on me like that.

I resent the fact that she thinks my relationship is just like hers and all marriages are alike.

I resent that she’s talking about Cisco like that and yet not talking about him at all.

I resent that she didn’t consider the positivity and optimism that a bride-to-be feels going into her wedding day, and yet the stress and nerves that no doubt come along with it.

I take issue with the fact that she didn’t back the hell off!

I learned that this woman was 28 – one year older than me – and has been married for four years. I didn’t even want to know her name, let alone her philosophy on marriage and why hers was so obviously miserable.

Suddenly I found myself defending Cisco and myself. “Um, I’m pretty sure that I could leave the room or the house whenever I wanted to during an argument or a very happy day for that matter. We’ll always come back to each other, and to walk away does not give the license to cheat. Certainly we are allowed to be mad at times without throwing in the towel and losing all respect for each other. Also, we are an equal partnership. Neither one of us HAS to do anything we don’t want to do. The reason we’re entering into this union is because we complement each other. We’re good for each other. We do have lasting romance and we make each other better people.”

I don’t know why I fed into her, or why I felt the need to even respond. But I was angry. And protective. Because she didn’t even know us. And damn it, I’m looking forward to marrying him! Who is she?

So I asked her, “Do you have any positive things to say about marriage? In fact, name one good thing that’s happened to you since you’ve been married!’

She couldn’t.

And then I realized, who cares what she thinks? I am not her and she is not me.

Opinion or fact, right or wrong, it’s just plain rude to throw your own baggage on someone else. Whether it’s politics, family values, religion or thoughts on life and love, my mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Especially about marriage to a woman who is getting married in 17 freakin’ days! Damn it.



(*** And to change the mood, here's a pretty picture taken by my photographer, Jason Messer, in the church we're getting married in just about two weeks from now.)

No Concept of Time

Talking to my good friends in California has been different. Good, but different. After all, we are no longer on the same time zone! And that is not as basic as it sounds.

As I hung up the phone with Sarah tonight, I just about wished her sweet dreams before I realized that it's 6:45 pm over here and getting darker by the second - yet it's only 3:45 pm over there and she was just about to head out to do laundry. I think this is partly a result of me feeling tired all the time and ready to fall asleep at the drop of a dime, combined with the fact that I have no concept of Eastern Standard Time versus Pacific Standard Time - something I always swore I would be keenly aware of. After getting one too many calls at 7 am from my beloved friends in Jersey, I knew I'd always know better. And now I don't. For shame!

So Sarah, Judi, Maytal, Brittany and all my other West Coast girls, in seven to eight hours when you settle down for the night and wind down before bed, feel free to call me at 2:00 am to say goodnight! :)

Bad Blogger, Bad Dreams

I’m a bad blogger. The worst, actually. I haven’t written in so long and that’s solely because I don’t seem to have the time or patience to sit down and post something. And I don’t know why I feel the need to write some big story when a blog is simply a train of thought. An observation. A matter of fact. None of those things need to be drawn out!

So from here until my wedding day (27 days to be exact), I am making a commitment to blog on a consistent basis – even if I end up with three unrelated sentences slapped up on the computer screen. Because there’s a LOT on my mind at the moment and I used to find this therapeutic. It just might be exactly what I need right now.

Let me start this entry by filling in the blanks: In the months that have gone by, Cisco has moved home and we have gotten ourselves an AWESOME apartment that we are happy as clams in, I have gone away for my very fabulous bachelorette party (thank you ladies!), work is still rockin and rollin, money’s still tight and I am starting to FEEL the stress of all of that’s happening around me.

This time is filled with the most heightened sense of excitement we’ve ever had in our lives, but now we’re getting down to the wire and quite honestly, things that I did not think would worry me are bothering the shit out of me.

Seriously, you would not believe the stuff I’m worried about. The normal but tedious things? Hotel reservations, flights from Cali, hair trials, RSVP cards, rain or shine forecasts, groomsman tuxedo fittings (please go get them if you haven’t!), final payments, head counts, the way my dress fits and seating assignments to name a few.

But the things that snuck up on me – the things that I didn’t think a girl like me would even think of – oh, they’re even better! I actually had a dream that a good number of people forgot to show up on the day of the wedding. Yep, like RSVP’d yes, filed the invitation away and forgot to come! I’m also concerned about the smoothness, or lack smoothness, of my up-do, Deacon Joe’s vow-style and the drug wars in Mexico.

When it comes down to it, I am well aware that the heart of the matter is that Cisco and I are getting married and committing ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. And that’s the beautiful thing. That’s the one that can’t get messed up if it rains, or if something doesn’t fit right. It’s something that will still happen if one of our guests reserves their hotel room too late to get the group rate or someone else doesn’t bring a guest who said they were going to (or the other way around).

However, in the craziness that is life lately, it sometimes becomes necessary to slow down and think of that beauty at the core of it all – and it’s hard. But I have to do it. Because it’s the only thing that settles my nerves and the only thing that levels me out. And if all else fails, and Cisco and I just can’t calm each other down, we’ll do the thing that hasn’t failed us yet: Play a little game called “What are you going to drink on the honeymoon?” … that ALWAYS works.

Here I am.

Isn’t it a shame that I haven’t had a chance to update this blog since the day before I got to New Jersey? I’ll answer that, it is! Even though I sit on a train for two hours back and forth to work every day, I still haven’t had the time or energy to write about my personal experiences. And maybe I didn’t want to, because I didn’t feel ready.

Very honestly, there’s no way I can capture everything that’s happened in the meantime and I’m not going to try. But I will say this … it’s been nuts. Really, really nuts. Some alternative words to describe my time back East so far include: Crazy, Overwhelming, Busy, Hard, Exciting, Nerve-racking, Frustrating, Happy, Sad, Too busy to stand and Taxing.

It’s been more difficult than I thought it was going to be. My commute is long but I don’t want to live in the city. I’m missing Cisco and worrying about him a lot. Money issues put up a good fight and I’ll admit, I’m feeling defeated. Work has been super hectic and ‘me time’ has been nonexistent. My GPS broke, so I get lost wherever I go. And I have new bags under my eyes that are not my favorite accessory.
Do you feel sorry for me yet? Well, please don’t. You shouldn’t.

The fact is, I’m in the middle of a huge transition and yes, it’s hard. But you know what? There are harder things in life. And there are people lifting me up along the way.

Mom and dad have been awesome – I feel like I am coming back after college and although they were comfortable in their calm empty nest, they are willing to put up with all of my ‘baggage’ once again. Twenty dollars here, a ride back and forth there, a garage full of boxes and tons of laundry later, they don’t skip a beat. And I’m really grateful for that.

Also, since I’ve joined the Newcomb family, my new roommates have been nothing short of amazing. When I arrived, they had banners and balloons at the door of my room that read ‘Welcome Home.’ They’re still up. Not only does Jamie go out of her way to make me feel like I’m one of them (she literally makes me dinner, saves me leftovers and sometimes she even packs my lunch), but Sean does too. And I’m sure that’s not easy. I’m the long lost best friend who wants to watch Bride Wars, go to kick-boxing and have girl talk with his wife all the time – that has to suck for him! But he’s been an absolute trooper - grilling out, picking me up from the train station and grocery shopping as a trio. Last week, after a particularly tough day, I came home to the two of them holding a glass of wine with my name on it and serving up cheese, crackers and hummus. Honestly, they’re too much. (But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it.)

And as for the rest of my besties, they’ve been simply outstanding too. From Stacy, Nancy and Jamie treating me to pizza when the well had run dry after our road trip and my ‘posse’ in Cali checking up on me like it’s their job, to Chelsea bringing Meatball presents as to not leave the little one out and Diana tucking me in on her couch because I couldn’t muster up a mere conversation at 9pm on a Saturday, they are my saviors. Today is just the 17th day I’ve been home and already I’ve gotten to celebrate Aunt Patty’s 50th b-day with my favorites, spend Mother’s Day with my entire family (great grandmother included), have margaritas with the girls and continue the party at an old local bar with Di and hold my new nephew Marco while he toots on me. I've been lucky enough to lounge around on a Friday night with friends, go ‘Mother of the Bride’ dress shopping with the lady herself and introduce my dog to his new cousin Tank. And finally, I've reconnected with those I haven’t seen in forever and had the great pleasure of eatting my mom and future mom-in-law’s home cooking until I could just barf – in a good way.

THESE are the things I came home for.

Now, the only problem is that I am missing my other half ... and when he does get home, things will probably move so fast toward the wedding that our heads will spin out of control.

But I hope we stop and enjoy this time. Because as nuts as it is right now, it’s life … and we’ll never get to do it again. So I’ll try to keep my end of the bargain and appreciate every bit of it, even when my train is stuck in the middle of a 90 minute ‘traffic delay’ – like now.

Delightful Delirium

I think when Green Day said, 'My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed, dried up and bulging out my skull,' they were on their third day of a road trip across the country.

Actually, today wasn't nearly as bad as yesterday. Yesterday we drove for over 13 hours and today was a mere 11. I scoff at 11 hours!

At this point though, I will say all of my emotions about coming or going, have faded into 'let's just get where we're going for God's sake.' And then at the same time I think, at least I'm not sitting in front of my computer at the office. This is a nice change.

Speaking of changes, we changed states a lot today. I rode through Sarah's, Robert's and Judi's home state one right after another, all in one day - Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. Shout out to those three, as I've seen extraordinary things in each one of your birthplaces. In Illinois I saw a buffet in a gas station, in Indiana I saw a sheriff's office in a convenience store and in Ohio I saw a sign that let us know if you hit a road worker, you will receive up to 10 years in jail.





Also, you should know that I had an eye opening revelation today and have invented and predicted a national trend: Customized GPS devices that speak to their owners in an accent from the town in which they're from - the dialect is one individuals can not only understand, but relate to. Therefore, my (South Jersey) GPS device may not say 'go forward to Route 73,' but instead, 'ga'head to route 73.' This concept was born out of boredom and can work for anyone, from anywhere. Think about it...

Overall, I'm loving the adventure and wouldn't trade it for the world. But one thing I do hate is the limited time I get to talk to Cisco, because of the spotty service in and out, as well as the time change - coupled with the inability to sleep until after 5 am. All that said, I will think back on this one day and remember it fondly ... as the time our car smelled like sweat for four days straight. And until that time, I'm glad I have this blog to jot down the details. It's been awesome.

Tomorrow: Jersey!

Toto, We are Not in Kansas Anymore ... Thank God!

Today Meatball let us know that he was officially on a hunger strike. He refused to eat or sleep since before we left California. At first we were unsure if that was the stand he was really taking, but by the time we rolled out of Grand Junction, CO pre-sunrise and had failed to sleep a solid hour because the dog was on neighborhood watch, we knew he was serious. Then, I slipped him a roofie and he slept from sun up to sun down.



In other news, the majority of our Colorado drive happened today. It was stunning. We drove most of the time next to the Colorado River and stopped to take in the view at Vail (home of Trista and Ryan, the only successful Bachelor couple in Bachelor history - the couple who beat each other, get arrested, make-up and repeat,don't count.) The area just got about two feet of snow and it was CHILLY. Really crazy to think that yesterday we were in Vegas at 92 degrees and now we were standing in snow up to our waist at a temperature of 39!




As we drove by what is probably the most beautiful part of the U.S., we soon found ourselves suprised by the impending state of mind numbing boredom ... the state of Kansas. Frankly, I'm not even going to waste time describing it but basically it's long, it's desolate and it's flat. I don't even know who built the roads we were driving on, as the population seems too slim to support a solid workforce (now I'm being a little harsh, but you get the point). However, although there are no actual citizens in sight for 400+ miles, there are police - a lot of them. One of which pulled us over for going 84 in a 75 and gave us a 130.00 ticket. He was lovely. As he proceeded to tell my father, a fellow officer who showed credentials, that he could call the Kansas Courthouse and 'jump through some hoops' to avoid getting points added to his record, he smiled warmly. That's right, he was a real doll.

And with that, six hours later, we left the hell-hole that is Kansas and entered the land of my grandfather, my mom's dad: Missouri.

Life is a Series of Hellos and Goodbyes ...

And as Billy Joel said, it's time to say goodbye again. Day one of the road trip back East has come to an end, and within the last 24 hours I have not even been able to keep up with my raging emotions. Bittersweet times: the understatement of the year.

As I said goodbye to everyone last night and my fiance this morning, I couldn't shake the sadness. And when I drove away at 5:30 am (because that's how I do on road trips), I was reminded of my ride out to California almost five years ago.

The trip was comprised of four days with three friends who talked the entire time, about quite literally, everything under the sun. I think we listened to music for a total of one hour and the rest of the time we gabbed. We talked about things that in our years of friendship, we had never touched on before. There was so much laughter you'd think I was lying, and even one conversation that ended in an argument ... and then tears. (Girls. I know.)

But I was on a mission in August of 2004. I had met a boy when I visited the state to sign my lease one month before and I was SUPER anxious to spend time with him again. (How funny that half a decade later I'm driving home to set-up our apartment for us before we get married!)

Jamie recently told me that she remembers the exact moment she, Di and Stacy left me at LAX. I remember it too - I dropped them off after an amazing week together, one that actually felt like a girls vacation - and then reality set in. Each of them standing outside my smurf blue VW Jetta, and me facing them. Suddenly the fact that this wasn't a fun filled girlie getaway occured to me ... and what's worse, that they were going their way, and I was going mine.

I felt something similar last night. And this morning I went my way, and my friends went theirs. But we didn't really. Because in LA, you can't get by if your friends DON'T become your family ... and if you're lucky, they gladly assume that very real role you need to be filled to be okay away from home. Yes, in my friends out West, I found family. Every holiday, birthday, weekend or day by the pool, we had each other - and that meant a lot. I won't be falling asleep on Friday nights while I have them over as house guests anymore, but I will be thinking of them often. And certainly looking forward to the next time I get to hone my narcoleptic skills with them again, in WHATEVER part of the country, soon.

On a much lighter and far less descriptive note, the ride itself has been awesome. It actually lifted my mood taking in the scenery and being fortunate enough to do it with my father. Dad, Meatball and I left California before the sun rose, moved on to Nevada and passed through Vegas, crossed into Arizona and drove for awhile in Utah and ended up in Colorado. Utah was so impressive that there were times I let out gasps. It was unbelievable and I can't wait to share the pictures that will do it no absolutely justice. In the mean time, here are some impromptu cell phone pictures that are less about America's beauty and more about my dog's unhappiness and my signs from Cisco.

Day two, here we come!

Nerves: will they or won’t they, get the best of me?

It’s time to face the facts – in just two short (really short) days I’ll be jumping in the Chrysler 300 and heading East with Dad and Dog in tow. That’s SO exciting!

But it’s also really scary and anxiety ridden too. Just a small sample of the laundry list called ‘worry’ in my mind includes:

• Leaving Cisco for two months – It’s upsetting and I’ll miss him. He’s my best bud and I’m all about having him around. I’ll say no more because I’m going to start practicing the art of staying positive.
• Saying goodbye to my friends in Cali – It’s getting real, it’s getting real sad. I would say it hit home on Saturday night at Red Rock for my going away party. Great turn out, even better people.
• The drive – Who will freak out first, dad or Meatball? Or as the underdog, will I come from behind and blow them both out of the water?
• Speaking of the dog – He’s depressed. That’s right, the little/big guy is filled with anxiety too. (I think he’s catching it from his mom and dad). All the furniture is gone, he can’t sleep on the couch or even stand on something to look out the window. It looks like we’re running a torture mill in here.
• The move and the money – Not surprisingly, they seem to go hand in hand and needless to say I’m not exactly where I’d like to be.
• Work – Have I mentioned it’s been nonstop? No move across the country is slowing me down! And who can complain about being busy in this economy? Certainly not me.
• Finding a new place to call home – I am tasked with finding the perfect apartment. It is my mission and I do chose to accept it, but I need to know where to start.
• The swine flu – I’m just kidding, it’s actually the least of my concerns right now.

I’ve been through six apartments in four cities in five years in California. From Huntington Beach to Studio City and North Hollywood, it’s been a blast. I’ve had four jobs and two cars, one love and countless good friends during the time I’ve been here. The point is, coming to LA was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made – for a lot of reasons. First because of the experiences it has afforded me – and I don’t mean simply riding the Eliptical next to Justin Timberlake at the gym. But because of the personal and professional ways I have been able to grow up.

And second, because without coming out West, I don’t think I would have realized how important it is to be around - and be there for – lifelong family and friends. I wouldn’t have appreciated the seasons or the holidays or the birthdays as much either. In fact, before I moved to California, I stopped getting excited when it snowed or even rained and I took advantage of just how much personality New York , Philly and yes, even Jersey has. It really does.

So with all the stresses and uncertainties coming up and going on now, what I want to do this instant is let go and enjoy the ride. Can someone tell me how to do that? Because I’m ready.

Baby B Makes His Debut! (... and lives are changed forever!)

On Tuesday, April 14 at 12:01 am, my good friend Stacy had a beautiful baby boy. Marco Barilotti was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces and 19 and a half inches.

I feel such happiness for Stacy and Artie and yet so removed from their lives right now at over 3000 miles away. But this is a nice example of why I'm moving home - this stuff matters to me. It really does. And in exchange for missing Stacy's pregnancy announcement, her baby shower and the actual birth of Marco, I'm going to get to know him for the rest of his life.

However, there's another side of this story, and it's quite sobering - my friends are having babies and that must mean it's time to grow-up. It's official, right? We can't be the same care-free, fun and wild girls we once were with babies in tow, can we?

Like Jerry McGuire said, it's all part of the 'things we think and do not say.' When Stacy announced she was pregnant, we were all overcome with joy. It was truly amazing to realize that our girl was having a little one of her own. But at the same time, the inevitable 'other' thoughts came rushing through our heads ... Will we still get to see her as much as we used to? Can we meet for drinks on a whim? How will this affect girls nights and/or weekends away?

Selfish, I know. But really just selfish because we love our friendship so much, and the way we've been together for years on end. In fact, whether she admitted it or not (and sometimes she did), I know she felt the same way. After all, the way she told us she was prego was, 'I'm pregnant! But I'm going to be COMPLETELY fine for Cindy's bachelorette party and wedding, and you bitches better not stop calling me!'

Over the weeks and months Marco grew in her belly, we never did lose touch and we talked about everything - baby and beyond. It was nice.

But the week before she gave birth, she made a crucial mistake. She watched an episode of Oprah that talked about the secret society of motherhood and once again those dreaded 'things we think and do not say - mommy version.'

The cast of 'In the Motherhood' was featured and they discussed how you may be ready for a baby, but you may not be ready for how your life takes a back seat and your baby's is up front and center. Yes, you know that's what's going to happen and you completely agree, it should! But it's the little things that may catch you off-guard.

The specific example Cheryl Heines used on the show was when her best girlfriend went through a very difficult divorce, and she couldn't be there. After all, she had the baby and it wasn't fair to be 'half there' emotionally or pretend to be there, when she really wasn't. Her child had her full attention now. Had she been single or without responsibility, she would have rushed over to sit with her girlfriend every minute of the day, and now she just couldn't ... and it bothered her. It bothered her a lot.

Stacy got upset about that episode and truth be told, it probably wasn't the best choice of shows 7 days before she delivered. But still, it made us think, and talk, and think some more. Does it really have to be that way?

After much thought, and consult with girlfriends from Cali to Jersey, I think the answer is, WHO KNOWS? We're all new at this! And we don't really know what the future has in store for us or our friendships.

But what we do know is that in life, we have been loyal and dedicated to each other so far. We're excited for each other's successes and we're sorry for each other's sadness. And though we may grow up, get married and start families, it's important to keep a part of ourselves focused on who we are an why we became friends in the first place. And that's because, generally, we're all awesome women.

Yes, we'll have play dates and story time (and we'll love every minute of it), but we'll still need a Sex and the City night once in a while and a cocktail after a long day. And now, we'll SHARE some of our girls nights. Not with everyone, all the time ... but let's face it, Marco's cool. ;)

I'm a Blushing and Blogging Bride!

Yesterday was six months until I get married and wow, I feel like the creation of this blog is long overdue! As crazy as it sounds, this is my first foray into the blogging world and although as a PR professional, I pitch blogs every day and as a gossip obsessed girl, I read them every minute, I've never had one of my very own.

But 2009 is a very special year, and there are far too many things going on (hello wedding!) to not have an outlet in which to share them. In addition to the any number of things I could chose to write about as Cisco and I gear up to move back East and tie the knot, there has been another running list of random happenings and off the wall occurrences that are going down at the same time. You know what they say, when it rains it pours - and for better or worse, it is raining cats and dogs right now!

Don't get me wrong, this is one of the most joyous and exciting times in my life! I am lucky enough to be marrying my best friend and partner in crime, and though we have many different life changes ahead of us in the coming months (moving, find a place to live, prepping for the big day and adjusting to life back in Jersey), we are doing it together - and nothing is cooler than that.

But true to form, I have chosen to do jam everything I could possible jam into one year - something that Cisco and I decided together, but something that we didn't realize the craziness of until we're right in the middle of it. Which is where we are today - right in the middle of it.

Yes, the dresses and tuxes are being ordered, cakes are being chosen and save the dates are out - but it's the unexpected things that really throw you for a loop during the whole planning process, and generally makes even the most precise coordinator forced to throw up her hands and accept that there will be a fair amount of 'going with the flow' happening as well.

In the last 60 days, emotions have been running high as we are spending our final days in California trying to appreciate what is left of it, while looking forward to the future. It's been been a great run and we've made friends that equate to family and relationships that will no doubt last a lifetime. And we'll miss them. On the other hand, we're anxiously awaiting being around moms, dads, grandpops and grandmoms again, while reconnecting with the countless number of friends who have been there for the last half of decade, filled with unconditional love, no matter how many miles apart we are.

It's a weird feeling - I recently said to my friend Stacy (who is about 8 and a half months pregnant right now and therefore, always honest!) 'this is hard, I'm going to miss everyone that I've become so attached to out here and I think they'll miss me too' and her very quick, Jersey Girl response was, 'Yeah, but not as much as we've missed you for the past five years.' I had to laugh - what do you say to that? She meant it with no offense and yet, meant it 100%. You don't find people in life as special as her every day, and the same goes for each and every person I'm truly close to.

And yet still, as if all of these 'emotions' and 'feelings' aren't enough, we're also going through a recession. The economy sucks more now than ever before, and inevitably our plans have been affected by it. We thank our lucky stars that we're not one if the millions who are out of a job or without a home, but we are seeing the realness of all of this and those around us are too.

Couple money troubles with freak acts of nature and it's pretty darn overwhelming. In just two months, our car has been broken into, my back has gone out, Cisco has gotten shingles (I know what you're thinking, who gets shingles?!), we've discovered that Meatball can't fly on a plane because he has 'breathing issues' and therefore will be roadtripping it with me and my dad across the country and we've witnessed a shooting just outside of our window - and we live in a nice area. As I said to Cisco the other day - post-shooting - I think the gods are trying to tell us to GET OUTTTTT....

And while those things are just a sampling of what life has been like lately, I still look around and feel grateful that we have each other. And happy that I'm sitting in the sunshine with Meatball right now, having completed what I believe to be my best baked macaroni and cheese yet and prepping to go our last Easter Feaster in California.

Should I be more 'prepared' to move? Or packed and ready to go? Should I already be mentally able to say goodbye? I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm all set to enjoy mimosas and a midday meal with those who I've come to know and love so well.

Everything else is for another day.